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With my family miles away I made a bold attempt to create a life that I had always dreamed of, from scratch, without any loving guidance or responsibility. My life went from zero to warp speed in 3 seconds flat.
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Without much energy from, or duty toward my family unit, I quickly spiraled into drugs, depression, and bankruptcy. My life went from warp speed to reverse in what seemed like no time.
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I took the last of what I had to survive and moved to Oceanside, California where my wife was busy developing "a life apart from my uncertainty".
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I wanted my family back, but there proved only unskilled labor available to make a living. My back and self esteem were greatly tested. I tried to reassemble my fam. I was at odds with myself and the circumstances i placed myself in. I couldn't stay. I experienced intense thoughts of suicide for the first time in my life. I didn't know where to go. I knew if I stayed I would do more harm than good.
